


I Don't Remember (and I'm Sorry)

by You_are_perfect



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hallucinations, M/M, Mention of Death, hide had to leave for kaneki now, set after ch7
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-02
Updated: 2014-12-02
Packaged: 2018-02-27 21:52:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2708045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/You_are_perfect/pseuds/You_are_perfect
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sasaki had to fight for his own life and morality after losing his control when Serpent left with Torso. Trapped inside his own mind, he meet with the person that keep bothering him to dead. Somehow, a name was enough for Sasaki to remember why he need to staying alive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Don't Remember (and I'm Sorry)

He kept going and going, looking for a way out. He must not give up right now. His job is not finished; he cannot leave everything unfinished behind! Surely there must be a way out from here. Oh God, he wish to find an exit from this place.

Alone in this endless corridor, there was nothing between him and the wall. No sign of door or window, just blank concrete wall that kept him in captive. Running away from something that he do not know, all he could think of was to be free from this.

_Get some rest, Sasaki…_

_You only make yourself tired…_

_There’s no need to be afraid…_

**STOP!** Sasaki screamed inside his head. This endless whispering only kept going around in his mind like a broken recorder. He tried so hard to get rid of it, but there was no solution for him to do that. This whispering just made him getting crazy!

 _You know me, Sasaki…_ the whisper continued _Why would you want to run from me?_

 **You’re not real, you’re just my imagination. I will get out from this place!** Sasaki kept looking anywhere for an escape. Even if all he could see was walls only, he needed to cling on the hope that he will get out from here. This is no place for him to stay.

_Stop running, dear…_

_I know that you want to get rest now…_

Even is Sasaki did not want to admit that, the whisper was right. Somehow, he felt like his energy was draining out from him slowly. His legs were getting wobbly and his vision was also blurry now. It was getting so much hard for him to breathe…

_You deserve a rest, Sasaki…_

_No need to wake up to harsh reality…_

**I… must… not… rest…** Sasaki reminded himself. His step was getting slower. His pace had changed from running to walking. Even so, that did not change his determination at all. He will find a way out from this place!

Somehow during his journey, Sasaki saw a glimpse of a door. A red wooden door was presented in front of him. Step by step, Sasaki went to the door. He was hesitate to open it, but he know the only way to know whether this a good idea or not was to get into that door.

With no time flat, he twisted the knob. He closed the door and fell onto the ground, grabbing his heart tightly as he could felt the air was getting decreasing. He looked up and observed the room carefully

Inside, it was a really small room. The wall and floor was covered with blood. However, that was not what attracted Sasaki most. The thing that caught Sasaki’s eyes was the white-haired young man in black cloth, strapped to the wall like a beast. The young man grinned to him like a psychopath when he saw Sasaki.

 _Hello, Sasaki…_ he purred _Long time no see…_

”You!” Sasaki screamed “Why are you doing to this to me?!”

 _ **Because we both deserved to be hurt**_ the white-haired man leap toward Sasaki. If not because of the leash around his wrist, he might be already attacked Sasaki. He straightened up his body and looked down to the ghoul investigator.

”You never felt pain, did you?” Sasaki panted for his breath and smirked “That’s why you’re doing this to me…”

 _You always feel pain, Sasaki…_ the figure replied and kicked Sasaki’s body _but you don’t have to fear the pain, and me!_

Sasaki groaned in pain, clutching to his shirt more tightly. He gasped for more air, trying to stay awake and not blackout from this situation. There is no way for him to give in to his own hallucination!

Sasaki tried to get up, but his legs can no longer used. He fall down and lied onto the ground, losing his balance as his energy was getting weaker. He need more air, no, he need to be strong. He needs to not be weak now. Unfortunately, the more he tried to regain his energy, the more he felt like he was losing it.

The figure stared down to Sasaki with a blank face _Pain_ he paused _Broken-hearted_ Pause _Loss_ Pause _Death_ he glared to Sasaki _they’re really good…_ he knelt down next to Sasaki _Really good…_

Tears forming around Sasaki’s eyes, the pain was too much for him to handle. All he could do now was to pant for breath and eyed to the white-haired man with hatred. This torment made Sasaki thought that he was a step closer to death…

Sasaki blinked his eyes a few times, trying his best to get his vision clear even if he realized that would not change anything. His breathe was getting slower, his heartbeat was not getting increasing. He could not even moved his own body. Is this… the end for him?

 _Come on, Sasaki. Just die already._ the white-haired man lied next to him _Just a little bit more…_ he nudged Sasaki’s head _And off you pop_

”Go… away…” Sasaki pleaded, his voice was getting hoarse due to the lack of air. Why is this happening to him?

 _You’re going to love to be dead, Sasaki…_ he kept disturbing Sasaki _No one ever bothers you…_

”S--- Stop…” the ghoul investigator still begged “Just… stop…”

_It’s raining, it’s pouring._

_Sasaki is sleeping,_

_He’s going to die_

_And everyone cry_

_But he’s going to be forgotten._

The white-haired man hummed some nursery rhyme. He still not made any attempt to leave Sasaki alone here. After all, he and Sasaki was the same person, right? Why should he leave ‘himself’ behind? That would be rude…

Sasaki was unable to say anything in return. He was getting so tired now. He could not hold much longer anymore. Maybe he should not resist the need to close his eyes anymore. Maybe he could just go to sleep now…

 _Akira will going to cry_ the white-haired man chuckled _The Quinx Squad will cry too_ he shook his head a little bit _But at least you don’t have to see Hide cry…_

 _I’m worry about him most, imagine if he found us gone…_ the white-haired sounded melancholy _You’re letting him down, Sasaki. And he might be in danger by now…_

Hide?

Who is he?

Why he felt so familiar and… warm?

Suddenly, Sasaki opened his eyes widely. A sudden surge of energy went inside his body. The vision around him was now getting clearer than before. He could feel that he was breathing properly and his heartbeat was back to normal pulse. It as if that name, Hide, brought him back to life.

The white-haired man sensed something wrong, standing up from his position and focused to Sasaki. He was surprised to see that man finally got the light back in his eyes now. Oh no, this not getting good…

Sasaki punched the ground hardly, trying to get some pain so he could feel the rush of adrenaline inside him. If he got the adrenaline inside his body, it would help the blood rushed inside him into his heart and made Sasaki easy to breathe now. He punched more than a few times until Sasaki finally leaned up next to wall.

 _Seriously, you’re getting better by now?_ the white-haired man sounded a little bit annoyed _This must be about something I said before._

Sasaki’s head was lowered down to the ground, but then he raised it up and grinned “Get lost,”

Just like that, Sasaki quickly leaved the room and closed the door.

***

Sasaki got up from his unconscious and hitched for his own breathe. He gasped for a few time and blinked his eyes a few time. He found out that he was on bed with some needles attached on him to some medicine and water. His wrist had been handcuffed to the bed too.

”Sasaki! Are you alright?” Tooru approached his teammate. He sat down next to Sasaki and hold his hand, checking Sasaki’s pulse.

”I’m… fine,” Sasaki assured him “What happen?”

”Apparently, you lost control of yourself and we had to ‘calm’ you down,” Tooru sighed, he hoped that Sasaki would not ask any further about what happen during the fight with Serpent before.

”I see,” Sasaki nodded. The memory of him fighting with Serpent, or Nishio-senpai he recalled, still fresh in his mind. He wondered how they knew each other. But that was not the question that he needs to know the answer.

He wanted to know who was Hide. Somehow, that name helped him to get back to his conscious and helped him to against his own hallucination. This was not the first time it happened. Often enough when he got disturbed with weird whisper and imagination, the word ‘Hide’ always made him calm and get him back to reality.

That person must be really important to him before to have such effect to Sasaki.

A few knock upon the door disturbed Sasaki’s thought. It was Akira appeared and entered into room. She smiled calmly toward her colleagues and waved her hand toward them. She took a chair nearby her and sat next to Tooru.

”I guess I just go now,” Tooru got up and left the room. Now, it was only Akira and Sasaki in this room. Sasaki was looking down to white blanket covered the lower half of his body while Akira tried to think of something to say to him.

”Sasaki, I hope you understand why we’re doing this to you. This is for your own good, remember that,” Akira reminded him. If Sasaki lose his control again, who know what could happen with this young man?

”I understand, Akira-san,” Sasaki sighed tiredly.

”Well, if there’s nothing you need, I better be off. I just want to see if you’re getting any better,” Akira got up from her chair.

Before she leaved, Sasaki quickly called her “Wait, Akira-san. There’s something I want to ask!”

”What is it?” Akira turned her body and wait for his question.

”Do you know…” Sasaki wanted to ask her about Hide, wondering if she knew something about this name. However, a sudden whisper interrupted his mind _Don’t ask her about him! She must never know about him!_

Sasaki now was a mixed of confused and irritated. What’s wrong with this whisper? Should he obey this whisper or just asked Akira the question he wanted to ask? Which one would be a better option for him to take?

”Sasaki, I’m waiting…” Akira called him again.

”Uh, nothing. Just nothing. You… you can go now,” Sasaki shooed her away. Maybe it is better for him to find out for himself.

***

Outside from the CCG’s building, a blonde-haired young man sat on a bench with his headphone covered his ear. He was staring toward the building opposite him. He wished he could enter into this building like before, but he need to stay MIA if he want to finish his own goal: avenge for his only best friend.

”I’m sorry Kaneki. I have failed you. I couldn’t protect you before. But hey, at least you’re safe and happy with the CCG for now. Even if you had to forget about your past…” the blonde-haired man spoke to himself quietly. His hand was twitching around the white eye-patch inside his fist. That was the only memento that he had from his best friend’s past.

He got up from the bench and took a deep breath. Turning his body away from the building, he leaved this place behind and continued his life.

It really hurt his heart to know that he could not go back to his past. But then again, change is the only thing that constant in people's life.

A few moment later, he received a call from someone in his phone. He pressed on the green button and wait for the caller from the other side greeted him.

"Hide. It's me, Touka. I need to ask your help,"

"What is it?"

"Serpent and Torso were heavily injured now," Touka paused for a while "I think it's time for Rabbit to go,".

**Author's Note:**

> I got inspired from BBC Sherlock 'The Last Vow' where Sherlock stumbled with Moriarty when he was on verge to death. Somehow, I think that scene might suit with this and why not give it a try? It just the aftermath that I changed it a bit. (and Hide with Touka had something to do with Rabbit so...)


End file.
